


Five Things (x3)

by trascendenza



Category: Big Wolf on Campus
Genre: M/M, Poetry, five things, poetry: haiku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-27
Updated: 2007-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trascendenza/pseuds/trascendenza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Merton kept his cinematic comparison of current happenings to himself; haiku he never told Tommy; insults Becky hurled at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things (x3)

**Author's Note:**

> The cinematic comparisons one was written tag-team with the awesome theswearingkind, who writes Merton like no other. &lt;3

**5 Times Merton Kept His Cinematic Comparison of Current Happenings to Himself** (161w | 2007-04-28)

5\. "This is just like in _Hot Dudes on Hot Rods_ when Hung Harry couldn't find the lube!"

4\. "This is just like that scene in _The Breakfast Club_ where you could have cut the sexual tension between geek Anthony Michael Hall and jock Emilio Estevez with a knife."

3\. "This is just like in... crap... what was the name of that one—wait, it'll come to me, it had zombies—with terrible make-up, I might add—and lots of brains, an evil genius, an assistant with a jaunty step and a horribly disfigured—ahhh!, it's eating my face, Tommy, get it OFF!"

2\. "This is just like the recent classic _She's All That_, starring Freddie Prinze, Jr. as a Henry Higgins-ish jock and Rachael Leigh Cook as the pretty-ugly art nerd he befriends on a bet only to discover that he needs her in his life to be truly complete as both a man and a scholar-athlete!"

1\. "This is just like in _The English Patient_ where I cried."

**5 Haiku Merton Never Told Tommy** (80w | 2007-04-27)

**(5) You**

illusion never holds,  
all that you are from me,  
underneath, true nature.

**(4) Unfair**

bubblegum pops in your  
mouth; it's a little too much.  
pink and pink and pink.

**(3) A Chance**

go wild, right here. now.  
bite me, scratch me, or just  
make me like you. please.

**(2) What?**

your butt was the star  
of my dream last night. no, I  
only had one yoo-hoo.

**(1) I do**

girls! don't know how to  
appreciate a good were-  
wolf when they see one.

**5 Insults Becky Hurled at Merton** (266w | 2007-08-29)

5.

"You're such a dorkus maximus, Merton," she said, wrinkling her nose at his offer of a garlic strand for her protection and safety.

"You do realize, sister dearest, that use of that specific pejorative is ironic because by its very nature it implies a passing knowledge of Latin, the language _de facto_ of the order of the dorks?"

"Stuff it, dweebhead." She slammed his door.

He sighed. If he wouldn't hate himself for it, he'd take lessons from her. He never had managed to come up with a good retort for "dweebhead."

4.

"You slimbeball! Get your hands off my 'N Sync CD!"

3.

"You're the king of the nerds, you know that?" She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for him to finish "extracting the chemical compound" or whatever he was doing from her eyeshadow compact.

"A title I take very seriously," he said, and she could tell he _meant_ it.

She rolled her eyes. Hopeless.

2.

"He's like, not worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoes, Tommy. Why do you hang out with him?"

"I'll have you know—"

"Can it, gothboy!"

"Hey now." Tommy put an arm around Merton's shoulders, raising an eyebrow at Becky. "You insult my friends, Becky, you're insulting me. _Comprende_?"

Becky frowned, but nodded, and mentally crossed Tommy off her crush list, because he and Merton _must_ be having sex. That was the only possibly explanation.

1.

"Mom and dad totally adopted you from a pack of wolves," Becky said, flicking at a spike in Merton's hair.

She was a little confused when he sighed wistfully and said, "I wish."


End file.
